3 years ...

Today marks 3 years. 

3 years ago we sat waiting in hospital to be told “there’s no pregnancy”. I began bleeding at work and had to go to the dr. We were told I was having a threatened miscarriage and their only advice was to basically lie down and not do anything until I could be seen for a scan. We waited 4 excruciating long days before a horrible invasive internal scan to be told “there’s no pregnancy”. That’s it. Over 2 years of unexplained infertility and being fobbed off by drs because we were young and had “loads of time”. We finally had our dream come true and then as soon as it came it was ripped away again. It may have been an early loss but it makes no difference, I had planned out that child’s whole life the second I found out I was expecting, and now he was gone. We were ushered out the back- presumably they didn’t want a crying woman walking through the room full of expectant mothers, the ones who would go on to have their babies. Then that was it. Dream over.

I am so fortunate that I got a second chance and even a third chance and I now have two wonderful daughters. In reality if I hadn’t had a miscarriage I never would have met my eldest daughter. But that doesn’t mean I don’t grieve my lost child. It’s bone crushingly painful. And unfortunately it’s very common. I know more women who have had a chemical pregnancy, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, phantom pregnancy or stillbirth than women who haven’t. And many suffer quietly.

I am so lucky I ended up with my girls. But some people never get their dream. Be kind, you never know what people have been or are going through.